When I came back to the apartment Thursday night, I realized that maybe I don't WANT to go out. Sometimes when I'm sitting here, bored, I think "I wish I could go out!". However after seeing that scene, no thank you! I also got a little bit socially overwhelmed. I am used to my routine. I am used to seeing the same people of everyday. Meeting new people, going out, being social, etc- my little hermit self was confused! I'm not sure that is a good thing... It does make me think about my socialness - what do I truly want? What do I need? These are important questions as opposed to: What does my lack of socialness look like to others? How social should someone like me be?
That is probably my inner hermit speaking, trying to convince me that I want to be anti-social. Haha I don't even know anymore! I enjoy, but don't love, going out. I love, but don't enjoy, staying in. Something like that.
There is still no news on my job. I'm getting impatient.
This also means I still haven't signed a lease for an apartment. I'm getting nervous! I want to get all of that settled. Every day I change my mind about square footage, location, price, pet-friendliness, etc. Its making it hard for me to know EXACTLY what I want.
I want to meet people in this town and I want to volunteer. However I know that in 2 months, Anna will be coming to town and I will be out of town every weekend. I will be working 4 day weeks, meaning I will have no free time. I will not be able to go to church all summer. I won't have time to go out or hang out, nor will I really have people up here to hang out with or go out with. So, what is the point, right now? Why make friends right before I wouldn't have time for them? Especially since the odds of making friends are so low... so I'm thinking that I will instead work on cultivating the "me". Set goals for myself, make me the person that I want to be. Change my routine. Get all my apartment and job stuff sorted out. Then I will have an awesome summer where even though I work and sleep in B'ham, I will truly be living in Edmonds. Then, I will come back just in time to move into my new place, decorate, clean this old place, start to go to church again, make friends, volunteer, etc. Then my Bellingham life will TRULY begin. Right?
Since this post is getting sooo long, I am going to write separate posts. One about what my routine is like now, and one about goals I have for the month of May.
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