Baby steps!

Well today was a pretty good day. I felt that about the weekend too. I could get used to this!

This weekend had a good combination of productive (turned in an application, did some errands, did some cleaning) and fun (a lengthly, fun and kind of drunk conversation with Rachael, visiting with Brian and Britt, skyping with Laura).

I'm a big fan of the quote: the key to happiness is: someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Despite being single and low on my # of friends, the quality of those friendships and the relationship with my family leaves me satisfied in the "love" category. I always look forward to trips, and I've been eagerly awaiting Anna coming to town, so I have had something to look forward to. The true cause of my rut is the "something to do". I work a lot, and that is doing something. However I love to be busy in my "real life" too (ie. a fun way!). That said, I would never refuse improvement in any of these areas.

That is why though I was not short on things to look forward to - getting an apartment does feel great. There is so much to look forward to! In fact, I think there are 2 or 3 late night hours in which I'm trying to sleep but can't because my head is buzzing - things to look forward to.

Ok, that was a ramble, but my point is that this whole apartment thing is great just because it improves one of the three fields on my current life motto.

In other news..... After only 4 business hours --- 4!!! ---- they called me to tell me that they had approved my application. I was correct in believing that I did not need a cosigner. They are going to try and work something out in terms of moving out/in dates so that there is an overlap. I told them that if there is nothing that they can do, I would still want the apartment and I could figure something else out. I turned in my deposit after work today. I have an appointment on Thursday (as early as I could get it -- 9:30 am -- which is late and means I'm going to have to work late this week) to sign the lease.

This is awesome and exciting and makes me so happy, because clearly just 24 hours ago I was worried that after all this excitement and imagining, I wouldnt' get it. However, with excited feelings also comes anxieties. When I told my coworkers which building I would be in, they commented on the fanciness and condo-ness. (Condom, Laura!). I still wonder how I feel so wealthy on a salary that they consider low, and barely making ends meet. I worry that my policy of SAVE everything and SPEND nothing is being ruined by this apartment, and that I will raise my cost of living bit by bit until I consider my pay to be low.

Worst of all - I fear what I cannot control. What if I get laid off? Last in, first out - certainly the policy of WWU. If someone with more seniority gets laid off, they can "bump" anyone out with the same classification - even if they have no idea how to do their job. There are only a couple other people at the university with my classification, which is good. Furthermore, I'd hope that my pay is low enough to other people that they would rather find a job elsewhere rather than bump me out. However... what if.....

Ok, now that this post has gone every which way - the true reason I am posting has nothing to do with quotes, happiness, apartments or pay. It has to do with driving. Notice how I wrote earlier that I dropped the deposit off after work? Yea - that was me - driving! For those of you who know me - I don't drive often. It's not that I don't like driving - in fact I often find myself loving driving. My problem is an anxiety about getting in to the car. Driving in unknown areas, getting into situations that I don't quite now how to get out of. For example - car trouble, an accident, or driving into a tight parking space and being unable to maneuver out. Therefore I stick to the same routes that I know - the same way to get from Edmonds to Bellingham and the same routes around Edmonds. But... get this.... I have never driven in downtown Bellingham. Well, before today that is. I have driven to the freeway and back, which is a short route not near downtown. I have driven through downtown countless times in other peoples cars. That is why even though I had never myself driven to my property managements buildings, I knew all the tricks about all the lights, all the intersections, the best route, etc.

Anyway, its weird for me because I know that I can drive. I know that I like to drive, once I'm in the car. I just have this anxiety about getting into it that is hard to overcome. But today I overcame it even if just by a little 20 minute errand. Baby steps, I say! And what this means to me? That once I live up here by myself I don't have to be a hermit ... I can choose to go on drives, to see places, go to the park, meet people at their place instead of mine. I can go outside and do things.