Catch Up

It's strange how I feel how I need to play catch up - even though the only people who read this blog know me in real life - so you know what is going on in my life. However, I suppose if I ever use this blog as a way to look back, it'd be nice not to have too many gaps.

First off, I didn't read my last post, but it looks like it was about me moving. So yea, I moved! The moving process went very well, as far I remember. I moved to Karisa's in one day, with the help of my folks. It was a very exciting time, and I remember enjoying staying with her. All the anticipation to see my own place! Though I wouldn't generally recommend not seeing your apartment before leasing it, it did make the wait to move in very exciting.

The move from her place to mine was even easier, because it was simply upstairs. With the use of a dolly and a rolly chair, we were able to get up 99% with little to no effort at all (elevators rock!). We even managed to get the big heavy stuff up here as well, because they fit in the elevator! Let's see if I can find any pictures of this time.... *goes away from this page to go browse*



The chaos of packing.















My room, clean. I took a bajillion and a half photos of this process, but I doubt anyone wants to see them all! This is the first time that I have looked at these photos in over 3 mos - it is weird now to remember that this was my room for two years! Seems so long ago, already.










Once all of my stuff was out, Rachael and I cleaned the heck out of this place! This was us as we were leaving.
















This is where all my stuff ended up! Took up half of Karisa's living room, but we made it!
















Then with just one more move a week later, everything made it into my place!











I'm not a big fan of how blogger uploads photos (maybe I just don't know what I'm doing - but it puts them in reverse order at the beginning of the document...). So instead of one long catch up post, I will have a few posts (possibly over time) so that I can add photos first (and backwards...) and then just add text throughout.

Until next time! (Since it is 1:45 am, I will do more at a later time...)

I'm MOVING!

I can't believe this time has come, but I am already in the midst of moving!

I've spent the last week packing. A little bit in the evenings after work (though I don't get home until 7:30 or 8:00), and then all of yesterday. I have finished packing the kitchen (except a few appliances), the living room (did that one first, was remarkably easy), the closets, the bathroom, and kind of my room. My room is kind of messy... but in terms of things packed, its actually pretty good to go.

My folks will be coming up in a couple hours to help me move. We're going to take some stuff to value village, then spend a bajillion and a half hours moving my stuff into Karisa's place. My lease doesn't start until a week from Monday, so I'll be sleeping on Karisa's floor until then. That and the fact that she's letting me keep all my stuff in her living room means she's pretty awesome!

Hopefully everything can get moved by 9:00 tonight - when my parents want to head back to Edmonds, and Karisa's mom should arrive up here to help her clean. I'll spend the next couple days cleaning, cleaning and cleaning! Luckily Rachael will be coming up here Sunday and Monday too, so we can work together. There is a LOT to clean.

I've been over to Karisa's new place a couple times (in the same building as my future place), and I LOVE it! It is so much better than the pictures suggest. I cannot wait to put up pictures and show it off, but obviously it won't do it justice. I'll just have to show everyone in person!

I have been taking photos throughout this whole process, so maybe once I'm done I'll put up some "packing/cleaning/moving" pictures.

Anyway, now I have to pack the bag of clothes I will live out of for the next week, and put the rest into some random other suitcase. And pack up my computer. I might also put some of my small topless boxes into big boxes... besides that, there isn't tons to do. Crazy!

Kellogg Trip

For Laura and Anna's last hurrah together while Anna is in the states, we took a traditional adventure out towards Kellogg. Since I quite conveniently just got my new camera the night before, this also served as my first chance to take photos!

We walked through some clear cut woods, stopped for a picnic and walked some more. Our walk was symbolic of life, and every obstacle we had to climb over or around somehow matched up to trials in life. Once our adventure took us to the end of our lives, we headed back towards Flowing Lake. We may have got just a bit lost, but our new route turned out to be pretty cool. First, we arrived on scene only minutes after an accident. Then we found a different part of the lake and helped a couple get their boat into the water. As way to say thank you, they offered to take us around the lake on their boat! We ended our day of adventures with nothing less than Taco Bell in Monroe, of course!

The pictures are a bit out of order - I've decided I really don't like the way blogger uploads photos (backwards, at the front of the post instead of where you are in the post..).




















Anna being attacked by a fly.

New camera!

I kind of think its funny that my most recent post for a month is "continuous updates", which clearly just isn't true!

I realized that since I haven't written in a month, I haven't written anything Anna being in town! Which is just so wrong! This summer has been amazing so far, being able to come down to Edmonds and see Anna! We have mostly just been hanging out around Edmonds, visiting with BBE. Work has been uneventful - its hard to be away from Anna, but it isn't bad in its own right. Maybe I'll write more about how cool it was to see Anna for the first time, how fun the 4th of July was and the good times with Anna.

However, before I do that I'm going to make a more recent post because I got a camera for my birthday which is very exciting in its own right, but also means that I can start to include pictures on here! Yay!

Continuous updates!

I find it very easy to update whenever E goes down. I don't want to call anyone, because I want to stay quiet and I often talk loud while on the phone. I might watch something, but am not feeling particularly inspired to watch any one thing. Therefore, I'm just sitting here browsing on the internet so may as well blog!

Around 11:30pm last night I woke up to E in my face crying. She was saying she wanted her Mama and Papa. I was very sleepy, so I just let her lay with me for about 5 minutes which calmed her down to almost sleeping again. Before she actually could fall asleep, I took her to her room. I don't think she came out again, but she might have. I was pretty sleepy. I kind of feel like she did and I just put her back in her room right away. That second time may have been a dream though...

E woke up earlier than I was hoping - 6:30 am. It wasn't too bad, I mean that is what I am used to for work! I just normally sleep in an extra couple hours on the weekend. I had her lay on the couch with me for a few minutes so I didn't have to get up right away. :) We had a kind of lazy morning until snack, just a few hours playing with toys, reading, and watching a few more minutes of the movie (not much, I swear!). After snack, we went to the park and played with an older girl who had a dog and a hamster. E loved it!

This afternoon we are going to go do an art project, which means I'm going to have to drive! It should be ok though, because it is a route I know so well. :) I'm thinking we will drive to my place, park at our house and see Max and say hi to my folks, then go over to Janet's!

They left me money to go shop and told me I'll probably need to... but I'm not sure I will! I feel bad leaving them with a kind of empty kitchen, but there is plenty for a good snack and dinner today, and breakfast, snack and lunch tomorrow! That'll make life easier (for me)! :)

A trip to the park!

E had a good long nap and when she woke up we headed down to the park! We stayed there for about 2.5 hrs, which was great! It was long enough to just feel like we were relaxing, in no rush, with all the time in the world. However, with a change right before heading out, it also meant that we didn't have to worry about a diaper change in public (unless there was a #2, so I had supplies just in case). We brought a snack with us (a banana and some carrots and hummus) so we could have a little picnic. We played on the playground, rolled down the hill, ran around in the grass, and drew on each others' arms in dirt. The last might not be the most normal activity, but she loved it and arms are washable so I let it become a really fun game. It was dry dirt and it was applied with a small stick, so it was not as messy as it sounds.

I realized that I'm kind of awkward with other caretakers at a park. They assume I'm a mom (which is logical, better to assume an aunt/nanny a mom, than to assume a mom to be an aunt or a nanny!!) - so I have to find the right time to fit in "I'm her aunt". Also it requires smalltalk which I often try to avoid. That said, it was fun and there was a nice mother there who is going to look into E's preschool for her own child next year!

The walk home from the park was a big trickier - she would stop occasionally, tried to put her souvenir rock in her mouth, didn't always want to have her hand held. I threatened our evening movie (a reward that she only got if she had a good day and obeyed). That worked and we were able to get home much quicker from then on. After dinner we did watch a bit of a movie, and we also talked to Anna for a bit. Overall, it was a good evening. I'm exhausted though! I've gotten very used to a particular routine, which does not involve going out places, talking to people or keeping a youngin' happy, healthy, safe and mannered.

I'm trying to keep her diet balanced. She is used to a really good variety. When explaining the routine, Brad said it doesn't matter too much what she eats as long as it isn't all carbs, all dairy, etc. When I came over this morning he told me really not to worry about it, saying he wants it to be easy for me. I still want to give her a really good healthy balance, but it can be hard!

Lunch: some beans (soupish) with half a wheat tortilla, some cottage cheese... she ate a lot less than I thought she would, so after half the tortilla she wasn't too hungry for more beans or cottage cheese - the main points of the lunch!

Snack: a small banana and some carrots and hummus ...

Dinner: a pita with cheese, hummus and lettuce, and a small side of beans.... the beans are repetitive but I wanted her to get her protein! Also, the hummus was repetitive too... Considering my love for hummus, I wouldn't be surprised if we eat it all this weekend!

Anyway, my goal was to cut out carbs because I knew she had those for breakfast and morning snack. I think tomorrow I'll keep the carbs out of the first half of the day so that we can do nice and easy pasta for dinner. :)

Ok... I need to go to bed! I apologize that this place is just where I spew my thoughts, and don't necessarily tell anything that would be interesting to read. I realized that what really keeps me writing is not the thought that one or two friends may read (in fact I often forget this), but instead the thought that in a few years I can look back on my life at this time. It makes for a rather boring blog. Sorry!

Babysitting

I'm babysitting E this weekend! It should be lots of fun, though more difficult than I'm used to. Its the longest shift I've ever watched a child. I have overnight babysat before, but the kids were a couple years older. I know E really well, know how she is used to being disciplined and what her routine is. So, though I assume it will be more exhausting than ever before, it should also be more fun!

Her folks left about two hours ago. She and I played imaginary games - she was insistent "something (scary) was happening" and we had to go discover it. When imagining this weekend and all the fun things we could do, "tea party" came to mind. So I asked E, "have you ever played tea party before?". "No," she replied eagerly, clearly interested in learning what this party game is "lets play!". I told her you need to invite guests (her little toy sheep and Marlie, a doll), dress up (gloves and a wide brimmed hat), and drink tea and scones. She eagerly prepared some tea for us in her toy kitchen, sat down and served us all. I also taught her how ladies sit and drink - one leg cross, back straight, chin up, smile -- and of course - a pinky up when drinking tea! She loved it. :)

After (real) lunch she went down for a nap and has been asleep for an hour now. When she wakes up, I think we're going to head to the park!

The only thing I'm anxious about is driving. They put the car seat in my car and said that I can drive wherever I want. I know I'll head up to Janet's tomorrow afternoon, and probably stop by our house to see Max. That's easy, because that is a route I know so well. They're low on milk and if there is anything else I need, I'll need to go to the store. I'm not sure how I feel about that! I'll let you know what I end up doing.... :)

Shattered glass

Every morning when I drink my coffee, I put it into a tall glass. I add the coffee, my creamer and some ice and have a nice cool iced drink that I can drink quickly. Nothing worse than getting a tongue burnt on hot coffee!

I have done this for a long time, maybe even a year.

Today, for the first time, I shattered glass! I always knew that it was a possibility with extreme temperatures. I also knew that the glasses that I own are kind of cheap and break easy. But the fact that it hadn't happened for a year made it go into the back of my mind, figuring it just wasn't possible.

Luckily I was standing next to the sink still when it happened, so I just set the glass in there. I got another pot brewing so that I wouldn't be too delayed in drinking coffee (that would be horrible!!). I drained the glass and threw it away (second glass in there - another shatter when it lightly tapped a bowl when I was emptying the dishwasher. Almost every glass is chipped somewhere along the rim, too! Maybe as these slowly break away, I'll eventually buy a new, sturdy set!

10 Days and Addiction

Only 10 days until Anna gets to the US! Which also means 10 days until my birthday. I currently have that day off so that I can go and see Anna when she gets picked up at the airport. The thought of not being there is tragic. However, that would require me to come home really late Tuesday night (working 4 10s), have little to do in the morning, see her for a couple hours in the afternoon and then I would have to leave again. She has dinner plans with her Dad, I believe. The weekend following is 4th of July weekend, and would be a much more logical time to take off. Problem is, probably everyone else already is and I don't want to inconvenience my employer.

I guess I'll have to think on that.

This will be my first week doing four tens. I am kind of nervous. If I get in there and start working at 8am, I won't be able to leave until 6:30pm. That is certainly a long day. I don't have tons of groceries right now, so I'm going to need to go shopping. In addition, I need to clean because I left some cleaning projects only half way done. I want to cook extra meals so that I have lunches for the week. I didn't do any trip planning this weekend, even though I really need to. Plus - my addiction (which I will explain later) - is taking up a lot of my time. I'm not quite sure how I will fit that into my evenings. My current plan is this:

-Go to bed by 10:30 tonight, and try and get to bed as early as possible each night thereafter.
-Wake up at 6am, drink my coffee and pump my bike tires. Luckily, I don't need to shower
-Get to work as early as possible - if that means before 8, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
-Work all day long
-Eat whatever I can throw together for lunch - my punishment for not shopping this weekend!
-Go to haggens immediately after work, buy haggenese to eat after done shopping
-Finish cleaning the stove (I can no longer claim that I am just letting the grease pans soak - now I am clearly just procrastinating).
-Hopefully by this point it will be 8 pm at latest, giving me time to have fun/plan trips before my 10 o'clock bedtime

There. I have a plan. Beautiful!

My addiction is Sims3. There is nothing new about that, besides the expansion back that I just bought. I considered it an early birthday gift to myself. I spent all of Saturday evening/night playing (until 2 am!), and started playing it right when I woke up today. And just now stopped. I only took a break to clean out the shower drain (ew) and take a shower. On Saturday Sandy came up to visit, and so a group of us got together to go out to lunch and go down to boulevard. It was a very nice day. I also got a lot of good cleaning done Saturday. I say it was a good weekend.

Now wish me luck that I can have a good week! Four tens is scary, but I hope if I can get myself up early enough and motivate myself to clean and do errands as necessary in the evenings, it will become the new normal before I know it!

3 minutes to spare! Woot! Goodnight. :)

Summer

This is my first summer that doesn't start with the end of school. I knew that last summer was my last summer, but I didn't quite realize what that meant. It truly does feel different. Summer is now just another season. Yes, it might mean a little vacation. Yes, it means beautiful weather and nice evenings spent outdoors. Not to say that the weather has been that nice so far. But there isn't the excitement that comes with the season when it means a break from school. The summer is truly no different to me than spring or fall. I mean, I am certainly excited for Anna to come visit. I love the warm weather, and hope to spend time in it. As long as I don't get burnt. Remind me to tell you about Epic Burn, 2011.

Anyway, I thought I'd record the fact that summer is no longer special in the way it used to be. It is just another season, with its wonderful rewards but no special magic. Its like when I found out Santa wasn't real. Kind of.

So much to say!

I have been meaning to write for awhile, but just haven't gotten to it. There are so many separate posts going through my mind, and whenever that happens I don't write because I know I don't have time for them all.

First thing that is on my mind: there are SO many things to look forward to. Anna will be arriving in Seattle in 2 weeks! I have a summer of fun visiting ahead of me. I also get to spend the summer preparing for my new apartment. Karisa is my official hero, since she agreed to house me and my belongings for the week I will be homeless. I get to move into my new place and decorate it for real (I have yet to truly decorate a place how I want it to look). I'm going to take a group trip with HS friends - big or small, it will be fun. And of course, I am going to HAWAII in September. One full week, lots of volcanoes, national parks and beaches. I can't wait. I also cannot wait to visit Anna in China this January - two weeks seeing her and the sites. I have so many thoughts on all these wonderful things to come, I'm going to try and be better and voice them.

There is one problem with having a series of exciting events - it is almost overwhelming. Plus, I feel guilty being excited for Item D when that means Items A, B and C will be done. Its almost tragic. But not really.

In the more present time... I have started biking to work. I feel great from the boost to my metabolism that a change in work out style always brings. I can feel the trip getting easier and easier. Thought I don't monitor weight too closely, last weekend I realized that I am 1 pound away from my target weight (the one that gets me into "Average" instead of "Overweight" on the BMI scale - I've been within 5 or 10 pounds of that for awhile, resting comfortably). I'm going to have to decide what my next target should be.

There are things weighing on me too. For example, I really really need to clean. My apartment needs a deep, deep cleaning. I don't want it to be the week before I have to move out and suddenly have a nightmarish cleaning job ahead of me. Instead, I plan on cleaning now and every evening I can, working at it bit by bit and keeping it nice and clean all summer long. I also have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do just in terms of my belongings. I need to weed out junk that I don't need, furniture that I don't like and clothes that I don't wear. I hope to have only the necessary belongings when I move into Karisa's place, so that I don't overcrowd her area with useless stuff. I am really good about thinking about cleaning instead of actually cleaning. For example, I had hoped to clean tonight, but instead I just planned trips. I had also hoped to clean last night, but instead I finished Smallville.

Brief aside - I get way too into TV shows. I have been watching Smallville for MONTHS. There are 10 seasons, so it takes a long time to get through. I am pretty sure that I started watching a month or so before winter break. Now that I'm done, there is a noticeable lack of what to do in my spare time. (Clean?)

I am still weighed down by major thoughts on my future. I still wonder if I should just pick up and move somewhere and force myself to get a life. I wonder if Bellingham is truly the city for me, and if I can ever feel as happy here as I want to be. I'm not sure if I'm losing hope in getting a full life here, or if I am getting more happy with the life of a shut in. I do know that any other option in my present would not have left me with the ability to go home every weekend to see Anna over the summer, go on a trip with friends, go to Hawaii AND go to China. That is lucky and it is all due to the security of my job.

I've simply realized that there is a lot about Bellingham that I don't like. I'm not the biggest fan of aspects of the culture of the town. I'm not sure what town I am a fan of. I enjoy my job, but I think it might be too stressful to be truly happy. But I have NO idea what job would leave me happy. I think that I should go back to school, but I'm not sure what I would study or if I would even want to be in school again.

I don't feel depressed. I realize the way I write may make it seem like I am sitting here, moping. Instead, I get into my TV shows, busy myself with procrastination of the errands I truly need to do - making them take more of my time, and (my personal favorite) -- planning. I honestly spend the majority of my time working, in my office. I suppose that is normal - everyone does that. But part of me feels like I should just be living on a beach somewhere.

Man, I told you I had a lot to say. My mind goes between the small and big in an instant, and it is all very taxing.

How long should I work at my job? This is the kind of job that I could stay at for the rest of my life. It is depressing to think about retirement when you are 21 years old and feel like you haven't done anything yet. On the other hand, I can't help but desire the financial security and the opportunity that brings (re: china, hawaii....). How do I make myself love Bellingham? Why don't I already? I feel like everyone loves Bellingham besides me.

I also realized that having no social life has become completely normal for me. I talk to friends on the phone regularly, and skype Anna every night. The occasional weekend Rachael and I hang out (though she's gone now... :( ). Besides that, I don't have a social life. Strange thing is that seems normal to me now. I know it is normal for other people. I know there are a lot of people out there who crave friends, or truly close friends. I am not lacking in close friends - I have people I can count on. However when I realize that I haven't "hung out" in ages... its strange. When my coworkers talk about shows (ie concerts), or going to dinner someplace or other ... I just don't do that! But I'm not sure who I would do that with. It's strange to imagine future friends. I just can't do it, because it has been so long since I've met someone new, made a new friend. I can't imagine someone being important in my future that I don't know now!

Once again, I want to reiterate that I am not depressed about this. Maybe that is what should worry me. This is my new normal. I'm less ok with my acceptance of my situation than the situation itself.

One nice thing about the summer is that I will truly be living in Edmonds. I will spend 4 days a week in Bellingham, and those days will have 10 hr work days that will give me only a few hours in the evening to eat, clean and/or be bored. I will spend the majority of my time in Edmonds and that will be nice.

So.... what do I think? What should I do in my life? What would 70 year old Amy say to myself right now? I feel like 70 year old Amy would probably have a lot of opinions on the matter, and I just wish I knew what they were.

Back to the small (I go back and forth between the big and small, I swear)... I really need to clean. Cleaning does SO much for my mentality. It is settled: this weekend I will clean, if I like it or not. If I have the smallest inkling to clean, I will not suppress it in favor of other activities. I will embrace it and use it for good.

What do I want to be when I grow up?
Where do I want to live?
How much do I actually love the NW vs. how I know I should feel?

My parents are in Germany right now which makes me sooo happy! I felt guilty going to Europe when my Mom hadn't yet gone. Having her trip off her list of things to do (not to say they can't go again...) is so relieving.

I'm not a fan of adult responsibilities - like choosing benefits, finding new doctors and dentists, getting car insurance and taking your car in for oil changes. That has been a major theme of these last couple weeks as I've gotten my full time position. *End miniature rant*

How can I be so unappreciative of what I have? I think I appreciate it. No, I know I do. But just because I am not happy in every way that I want to be, I can't help but complain. I am very forunate to have the job that I do and be able to take the trips that I have planned. These kinds of trips are the reason I am working at this job. Maybe the definition of these few years should just be "Work to travel." The name of my next phase can be completely different.

Whatever happened to going to France? I haven't even spoken french in 3 mos. Wow... that is bad. Summer goal: speak french! I need to read french books, watch french movies, read friends news sites and hang out with my one French friend that is still kind of a friend even though I haven't seen her in 3 mos.

If I feel like moving somewhere random, it may as well be a place that helps me improve my French... right? Or Africa! I could still go work in an orphanage. Whatever happened to that? I also still want to just live on a tropical beach for awhile. But if I do those things, how can I afford my next South America trip, or the trip to Australia/New Zealand that Laura and I are going to do 2013?

What do I do about the part of me that still feels like I should work in health care? What about social work? I know that won't make me money, but I can see myself doing that. I've looked into being a Speech Therapist... but is that actually something I want to do? I'm not so sure... What the fuck should I do with my life?

Wow, I am truly rambling right now. I can't focus on the big picture too much right now. So instead, I am going to shower and go to bed. In the morning I will go to work, and discuss reorganization in student employees, possibly doubling the number of people I supervise. I will come home and talk with Laura for a couple of hours about Hawaii. I will clean dishes, throw away trash, clean counters and vacuum. I will actually do something instead of just thinking about it. I promise. I promise.

Last thought of the night... it is weird to have everyone else graduating from college. I am no longer the only one. I am now one of many. They are learning the situation I am in, and now I have others in my same place. It is very strange. Not sure why though.

Ok... seriously... this was just a ramble to clear my head. Thank you for reading, if you did (I doubt you did). Goodnight.

My (not new) goal is "do don't think".

My Week

So I completed my first week of work at my "new" job! Things were pretty much the same. The extra time did make a big difference in how much I was able to get done, and I was consistently ahead of my work. It was very nice! Tomorrow I get my new desk, so that should be exciting as well!

I signed my lease on Thursday. It is scary to have that be official! There are still 6 days where I will be homeless. They said that guy that currently lives in my future place may move out early, and if he does they'll let me know. However, I can't really plan ahead for that, because I have no idea when I'll know. So, I'm going have to figure out a good back up plan. I have sooo many decoration ideas floating through my head, which is frustrating because I can't do anything about them! I also don't want these ideas to become fantasy instead of reality (because I'm thinking about a time when it is just fantasy). I would HATE to not actually decorate my place and make it feel like a home, so I have to do everything in my power to make sure I actually decorate it and make it look nice.

I had a nice simple weekend up here. Lindsay stayed over Friday night so we were able to catch up and watch a really good movie (Chaos Theory). Saturday I played Sims which is always fun, and hanged (hung?) out with Rachael last night. It was really fun and dandy up until then. Today... I over Simsed myself. I could feel that I was getting bored, staring at a screen too much, etc. I also am feeling a little nauseous (I think it is from drinking juice from yesterday...). Now I feel really off, and I know I need to clean, I want to do something besides stare at a screen but don't feel like doing anything in particular. I hate this ansty feeling!

So I'm watching Smallville. Not a solution by any means, but kind of a distraction. I figure I will do some dishes, do some laundry, eat some food, and maybe read or something non-electronic and see if I feel better.

Next to figure out - Memorial day weekend! It's only one week away and I still don't know if I'm going to Spokane! CRAP!

Baby steps!

Well today was a pretty good day. I felt that about the weekend too. I could get used to this!

This weekend had a good combination of productive (turned in an application, did some errands, did some cleaning) and fun (a lengthly, fun and kind of drunk conversation with Rachael, visiting with Brian and Britt, skyping with Laura).

I'm a big fan of the quote: the key to happiness is: someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Despite being single and low on my # of friends, the quality of those friendships and the relationship with my family leaves me satisfied in the "love" category. I always look forward to trips, and I've been eagerly awaiting Anna coming to town, so I have had something to look forward to. The true cause of my rut is the "something to do". I work a lot, and that is doing something. However I love to be busy in my "real life" too (ie. a fun way!). That said, I would never refuse improvement in any of these areas.

That is why though I was not short on things to look forward to - getting an apartment does feel great. There is so much to look forward to! In fact, I think there are 2 or 3 late night hours in which I'm trying to sleep but can't because my head is buzzing - things to look forward to.

Ok, that was a ramble, but my point is that this whole apartment thing is great just because it improves one of the three fields on my current life motto.

In other news..... After only 4 business hours --- 4!!! ---- they called me to tell me that they had approved my application. I was correct in believing that I did not need a cosigner. They are going to try and work something out in terms of moving out/in dates so that there is an overlap. I told them that if there is nothing that they can do, I would still want the apartment and I could figure something else out. I turned in my deposit after work today. I have an appointment on Thursday (as early as I could get it -- 9:30 am -- which is late and means I'm going to have to work late this week) to sign the lease.

This is awesome and exciting and makes me so happy, because clearly just 24 hours ago I was worried that after all this excitement and imagining, I wouldnt' get it. However, with excited feelings also comes anxieties. When I told my coworkers which building I would be in, they commented on the fanciness and condo-ness. (Condom, Laura!). I still wonder how I feel so wealthy on a salary that they consider low, and barely making ends meet. I worry that my policy of SAVE everything and SPEND nothing is being ruined by this apartment, and that I will raise my cost of living bit by bit until I consider my pay to be low.

Worst of all - I fear what I cannot control. What if I get laid off? Last in, first out - certainly the policy of WWU. If someone with more seniority gets laid off, they can "bump" anyone out with the same classification - even if they have no idea how to do their job. There are only a couple other people at the university with my classification, which is good. Furthermore, I'd hope that my pay is low enough to other people that they would rather find a job elsewhere rather than bump me out. However... what if.....

Ok, now that this post has gone every which way - the true reason I am posting has nothing to do with quotes, happiness, apartments or pay. It has to do with driving. Notice how I wrote earlier that I dropped the deposit off after work? Yea - that was me - driving! For those of you who know me - I don't drive often. It's not that I don't like driving - in fact I often find myself loving driving. My problem is an anxiety about getting in to the car. Driving in unknown areas, getting into situations that I don't quite now how to get out of. For example - car trouble, an accident, or driving into a tight parking space and being unable to maneuver out. Therefore I stick to the same routes that I know - the same way to get from Edmonds to Bellingham and the same routes around Edmonds. But... get this.... I have never driven in downtown Bellingham. Well, before today that is. I have driven to the freeway and back, which is a short route not near downtown. I have driven through downtown countless times in other peoples cars. That is why even though I had never myself driven to my property managements buildings, I knew all the tricks about all the lights, all the intersections, the best route, etc.

Anyway, its weird for me because I know that I can drive. I know that I like to drive, once I'm in the car. I just have this anxiety about getting into it that is hard to overcome. But today I overcame it even if just by a little 20 minute errand. Baby steps, I say! And what this means to me? That once I live up here by myself I don't have to be a hermit ... I can choose to go on drives, to see places, go to the park, meet people at their place instead of mine. I can go outside and do things.

Floor plan

When my property management company had a multi-apartment open house, I only looked at two of the three studios on display. The third, I figured, was out of my price range and not somewhere I would choose to live. Yesterday, I submitted an application to a unit in that building. I knew what the square footage was, but was unable to imagine what that meant. It seemed big, but what if the floorplan actually made it seem smaller? How big would my bed be in the nook? Would it fit just my bed, or could it fit other furniture as well? I could see how the kitchen is laid out, but couldn't imagine how big that would feel.

So, I pulled out the loooong ignored math nerd in me to figure it out. I had a shape and a total square footage - the scale should be easy to determine, I figured. I dissected the shape into shapes that were a bit easier to work with - rectangles and triangles. Instead of creating a unit length and using variables, I used pixel coordinates. Since paint does not let you rotate a line without unintentionally changing the length, I did not think using a unit for measurement would be effective.

I calculated the lengths (and then areas) of all of the pieces of the apartment. I added those together to find the total area, in pixels. I square rooted that to find the dimensions of the sqaure equivalent of the apartment. I did the same for the square footage I had. I found the ratio was 19 pixels for every foot.

That made it easy to go back and add feet to the floor plan. To double and triple check my work, I recreated a few different rectangle/triangle layouts and made sure the numbers worked out to approximately 615 SF. I did not expect it to be perfect, especially since I cannot count on the complete accuracy of the floor plan (since it does not itself have measurements), nor could I be certain of the width of the walls. In addition, the image was just slightly angled, meaning a few numbers could be a little bit off. That aside, with the numbers I found, the approximate square footage is 620 SF. That is plenty close to me.

I will not count on it being this big. Instead, I will be able to imagine if I can barely fit a bed into this nook, or if I will have ample space for a whole bedrooms worth of furniture. Here is the floorplan with measurements included:

I have requested that Laura do this problem separately, and see if we have similar results. I did this math quickly, meaning the pixel - SF ratio could be off. Furthermore, rounding may have changed everything as well. I am simply going to assume that the apartment is just smaller than these estimates, but close enough that I can use these to better comprehend the layout.

The kitchen makes sense with these numbers: the appliances are about the right size, and it seems to be about the same scale as my current kitchen. I would say that this one will be about the same size or a bit smaller, however my current place has a lot of floor space, but only an L of counters. I think this U of counters will be better for storage space. The bathroom also seems plausible with these numbers. I don't generally measure bathtubs, but 5 ft long seems approximately the length of a bath. The nook has the dimensions of a bedroom, not a bed, which makes me happy. Even if each side were a foot or two shorter, there would still be room for a bed +. I was worried that my table wouldn't fit at all in the little dining area (to the right of the living area, "above" the kitchen). That area is bigger than I assumed, so I may be able to make my current dining table fit. I may still decide to opt for a smaller table with a different shape, but I can wait to see how it looks first.

For those of you who read this but haven't seen this layout before -- I know it is kind of weird. BUT, I really like it. This whole building has strangely shaped units. This unit should be spacious (unless my math was sooo off that everything is half as big as this), it includes extra closet space, and has a secluded nook. I could still even use the bookshelf divider if I want - I am in love with the rather popular styled shelf with perfect squares. I am not quite sure how the space to the right of the door looks, but it appears like I could use that for shoes, coats or something similar. I have a balcony instead of a porch, which is perfect! I know from experience that I do not use porches as frequently as I use balconies (privacy reasons), plus I feel much more safe off the ground.

Ok, I have to stop talking about this place now. I have yet to sign a lease, and if I am not approved -- or more likely -- someone beats me to the apartment, I will be devastated. I have to wait to plan and imagine until things are more official. It would be much wiser for me to develop backup plans, other units which would be just as good. Oy, the thought pains me.

***Crosses fingers***

A turned in application

As you guys know, I have been able to create a list of possible apartments, but have had difficulty narrowing it down into a first, second and third option. This morning I talked with both Laura and Rachael about my options, and the wonderful people they are - we were able to narrow it down to my top choice. So first, a brief summary:

There are three different categories that were on the table.
1) South side of campus + cheap + small;
2) South side of campus + expensive + big;
3) North side of campus + expensive + small.

I like the idea of living on the north side, but as you can tell, it may not be the best deal for the buck. I thought that cheap was the most important factor, so I have been thinking that option number 1 was what I was going to go with. The only issue was the small factor. I was worried that I just wouldn't be happy there. I have a lot of furniture, and I don't necessary want to get rid of it all. There were two different complexes that were on the table, and they had the same floor plan. It would be awkward to fit in my dining room table, and I would barely, if at all, be able to fit in my couch and TV. I just didn't like the layout. To make it worse, the kitchen did not look aesthetically pleasing.

Does this mean I am willing to pay an extra $120 a month to live in a larger, nicer apartment? That I didn't know. I know that I could afford to do that. But wouldn't I want to save that extra money? This is where the council from Laura and Rachael came in. They pointed out that I should still be able to save a good deal of money even with this rate. Furthermore, it will make me happier to live in this place. I know that I want a "real" place, where I can make it feel like I home. Though I like my current place and I get along well with the roomie, one of the things I am looking forward to most is making my new place feel like a grown-up home. Clean, decorated and fancy. Currently my bedroom is a hodgepodge of old furniture that I don't like and random decorations on the wall that don't please me. Not only could I have fun decorating it, I could also take pictures and post them here!

So, as you can probably guess, I chose nice, big and expensive.

There are downsides as well. I first asked about a particular apartment, however that apartment is currently vacant. That means I can't very well prelease it for August! That was the cheaper place (probably because they want it go get rented), so I had to agree to an extra $20 per month (making it $120 more than the cheapest option instead of $100). The square footage is a great deal larger than the small places, however it still isn't the biggest available. Only $70 less than my current 2 bedroom, it is about 150 less square feet. (I rationalize that I probably don't need that extra square feet, and it will seem bigger if I can see it all at once). The biggest down side is the timing. This place that I applied for is only available 4 days after my current lease ends. This means I would be homeless for a bit!

The employee at the property management place did not, himself, have the power to give me special arrangements -- but he said others do and it is possible something could be arranged. Since I live in one of their apartments currently, they may be able to extend my lease my one week. I don't know if someone plans on moving into my place though, making that impossible! I think that it would be worth it for me to still get this place even if it means I have to rent a storage unit for a week, or call upon Lindsay to use her (possibly unoccupied) apartment for a little bit. I don't know. It sucks, but it may not be a big problem in the end.

So, the only other problem is that nothing is certain yet. This is the only "small" studio in this building left. I asked him if it was still available, and he said yes. That doesn't mean someone else hasn't submitted an application for it and that it could be claimed by someone else! It is possible that even after all of this worry and anxiety, that I still won't get it. I did not submit a cosigner agreement because I do not believe that I need one. I don't have much of a credit history though, so I may not quality even though I have a steady income. If they review my application and determine that I do need a cosigner, they can't process my application until they get it.

So... that is the update. First off, I hope that the place is still available and that I can claim it. Secondly, I hope that we can rearrange the dates a bit so that there is an overlap. Thirdly, I hope I made the right decision.

I should formulate a little back up plan in my head: where should I live if I can't get this place? Once I've decided that I am willing to pay the extra money each month to live in a nicer, bigger place, going back to the smaller place is kind of disappointing. I don't know if I over-think these things, or if decisions really are this big, important, and difficult.

Applying for a place...

I forgot to print out the application for a studio at work today. Luckily, Rachael will be on campus and will use her magic student powers to print it. I wonder if I can print stuff as an employee... I may be able to. I know I can check out things.... Hmm.... I should look into that!

Well regardless, Rachael is going to provide me with the application tomorrow. Right now I am trying to make an official option 1, 2 and 3 so that if they say 1 is taken, I know exactly what I want to fall back on. It is sooo hard. There are so many factors at play, and I can just see all the pros and cons of each! Location, price, square footage, layout, amenities, parking, and appearance. It is frustrating! Some people (Laura) says that I shouldn't fear going higher in price so that I can find a place I LOVE and can stay in for a while. That would mean downtown maybe, because I like the idea of being close to the center of town. However, I also feel like I should make sure I don't raise my price of living too much so that I can continue to save money.

I have 9 possible apartments on my list. I have a big decision ahead of me! Oy vey!

Worst thing is: I don't want to drive to the place tomorrow to turn in my application anyway! I want to wait and mail it in, however Laura says I can't delay. I'm going to try and convince Rachael that she wants to drive me. That'll work, right?

In other news, I managed to eat an entire cantaloupe over the course of the evening (it was soooo good). This may have led to an increased rate of tooting.

I felt like I had to say something besides boring updates about decisions and anxiety over those decisions.

I got the job!!

It is official, I got the job!! I start full time on Monday. They told me yesterday, but couldn't announce it until everything was settled with HR today. My boss sent out an email to the whole office, and a lot of people responded with "Congrats!". I wanted to send out an email saying Thank You to everyone, and that I was excited to be a permanent part of the team... however I wasn't quite sure how to word it. I tried multiple times to create something, and felt like I was wasting time. I then decided to think about it while working. I subsequently continued working, but stopped thinking. I remembered again towards the end of the day when it had been hours since I received any email and I thought it would be silly to bring the matter up again. I'm sure everyone had forgotten about it by then! I said thank you to everyone who said congrats in person.... I just kind of ignored the emails. I just didn't want to sound stupid right after announcing that I was part of the team! Instead I just seemed shy or impolite or I don't know. I don't think its mandatory to say something, but I know if I were more extroverted, I would. Good thing is is that my boss knows that I am not extroverted, so its not like I surprised anyone, right?

They have also been talking about giving me more duties since I will be there more often. Only problem with that is that I currently have 30 hrs of work per week, and I am taking on a coworkers 20 hrs per week. I figured this would keep me plenty busy, but I will be adding even more. I like it though, I love being busy! I just hope the stress doesn't kill me! :)

I have been waiting to find an apartment until I got everything settled with work. Only problem with that: lots of the best studios are taken!!! I should have figured this would happened, had more faith in the fact that I would get the job and just signed a lease. Now I have to scramble to find something that is still "perfect" (I don't want to move again any time soon!). My plan is to look carefully this week, prepare all necessary documents and go turn them in on Saturday. I really hope that I can find something good. I'll keep you updated on that!

In other news, now that I have stable employment, I have to figure out how to take time off! I want to work 4 10s instead of 5 8s this summer if possible, and I also want to take off a day for Memorial Day weekend (would want to do 4 10s then if possible..), take off my Birthday (Anna comes home!) and do a funky 4 10 week so that I can have 1 two day weekend and 1 four day weekend for camping. I hope they don't regret hiring me!

I'll write a post about last weekend later, because it was a good one. But now I should go research apartments. It just stresses me out... I want the perfect place - balcony instead of patio, W/D in unit, maximum sqft, minimum price, sleeping nook, perfect location.... Do you think I can do it!?

Interviewed

Isn't my title clever? It's in the past tense, get it?!

Anyway, I had my interview today. I think it went ok. I was worried about sounding too rehearsed, while simultaneously seeming unprepared. I think I was right in the middle somewhere. It was hard to tell from their reactions during it, because I was too distracted by my nerves. Afterward they were normal and friendly, and the day continued on.

So, really there is no point in over examining how it went. It is done and that is what matters!

They said that they will let me know the official results next week. I am probably going to take Monday off and do a four day work week, so I wont hear until Tuesday probably. That means I need to FOR SURE make sure I am 100% positive that my top apartment choices are actually #1, and then prepare everything I need to apply for a place next week. Woot!

I am nervous about if this is all the right decision and if I can truly feel happy in Bellingham. I like to think I can change how things are right now and be happier, but since it hasn't happened yet I'm skeptical. These are probably just cold feet. I think the fact that since I won't truly be living here in the summer (just working constantly so I can take long weekends and visit Anna), I have to gamble that I will be able to feel better in the future.

Interview

My interview is today at 3 and I am so nervous! I know that I know the people interviewing me, but that almost makes it worse. I can't comfort myself with, "Well if you say something stupid at least you'll never see them again"! My only comfort is that though I have to go through it, time will pass, it will pass, and suddenly I will be at home again and DONE.

I am anxiously awaiting that moment.

May Goals

It kind of looks like I mistyped that, and meant to write "My Goals". Nope! I mean for the month of May!!!

Since I have already determined that I am not using my time in the proper manner, I need to develop some new ways to spend my time. They need to be feasible yet force me to change.

For example:

*In the month of May, I want to read 2 books.
*I want to start jogging.
*Find an apartment.
*Do at least 1 social thing per week.
*Do at least 1 art project
*Eat on campus no more than once per week.
*Visit Laura in Spokane
*Bring bike back up to B'ham, bike to work every day

This only suggests a bit of change in the evenings -- it will force me to try and make plans with at least one friend a week, it will encourage me to read books instead of watch movies, and maybe even make me do something artsy. Though I walk approximately an hour a day, I do nothing else besides sit. I think that I need to start jogging regularly, and I think that I should bike to work instead of walk (it will be MUCH quicker).

Some of these goals will be harder than other, and maybe listing so many at once will make it hard to fulfill them all. But I will try. If it works out well, I will do the same thing for June. Maybe by then I'll be a better person!

It is kind of sad that suck a basic, easy list seems nearly impossible!

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Though this has little to do with this post, some long term goals are:
--Volunteer at church, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, the Humane Society and/or an elementary school.
--Be BUSY - you LOVE to be busy
--Go to Edmonds no more than once per month, enabling you to go to church and meet people there at least 3 times a month (clearly this is after August 13th)
--DECORATE my new place all awesome sauce! I can't describe how excited I am for this!
--Not be a hermit

Those are really really big picture goals right now, but you know how amazing it would be if I could do all of that in as little as 4 months?!!?! That would be amazing!

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Do I think too long term? I realized that I stop myself from doing some things now because I think that they won't be feasible in a few months. Is that just me making excuses? Will I never actually volunteer or make friends because there is always going to be a reason why that doesn't make sense quite yet? Or am I right here? I am going to have 2 months wherein I am at work from 8am to 7pm and I will have no time for anything other than eating and sleeping... Can I ever actually do something instead of just think about it?!!?!?!?! Ugh! Now I'm frustrated and its 1am so I need to go to bed!

My Daily Routine...

I do the same thing every day. Let me show you:

7am: My alarm starts to go off way before I need to wake up. I do this so I can fully appreciate how late I get to sleep in. Every time I hit snooze, I am aware that I don't have to get up yet. If I slept through this without an early alarm, it would suddenly be time to wake up and I would have no warning.

8:30am: I finally get out of bed. I grab my towels (which are normally on my bed post or on the back of my chair) and I set them on the bathroom counter. I make my coffee in the exact same way that I always do. I use the restroom and shower. I drop my clothes off in my room, turn on the light (so it has time to warm up), turn on my computer, and head to the kitchen. I turn off the coffee maker so that it won't sizzle when I put the pot in after using it. I get oatmeal started, grab my creamer, grab a cup and make my coffee. By then, my oatmeal is ready and I go to my computer to eat it.

9:00am: I open up the exact same list of websites (about 10 different social sites, news sites, blogs and emails) and browse the internet while I read. Though I could consume all my food and drink by 9:20 (when I would need to get ready if I were to get to work by 10), I almost always use the computer until 9:45. This means I can enjoy my coffee, read all the articles that interest me, and arrive at work at 10:30 (a perfectly reasonable time).

9:50am: I stay on the computer until later than I should, so I have to suddenly scrambled to brush my teeth, brush my hair, go poop (thanks coffee!), choose an outfit, get dressed and make lunch. I normally am running late, forcing me to walk quickly as I get to work.

10:30-5:00pm: After I walk the same route to work, I drop off my belongings, put my food in the fridge, get water and use the restroom like normal. Though the actual work I do varies, it is very consistent as well. I always take lunch from 1:00 to 1:30 (except for days like today where I was too busy and didn't have a chance to take lunch until 2:30). When I leave the office at 5:00pm (or later - its hard to actually leave that early...) I do the same OCD checking. "Off off off" (Computer, lamp, monitor), "Empty" (cup of water), "Phone Keys Wallet Chapstick". Since I often mutter this under my breath, my boss probably thinks that I'm crazy.

5:30pm: I come home and make dinner pretty much immediately. I set my food down and move my laptop in the exact same way every day (its my method to make sure my laptop stays safe). I get into bed, where I stay except to use the restroom for the rest.of.the.evening. I hate it, but love it too. Its a vicious thing.

6:00pm - 12:00am: I watch different TV shows on Hulu, netflix, or watch videos on youtube. I am currently watching Ally McBeal, catching up on all the shaytards videos, and I have a whole season of Smallville waiting for me to watch it. I only move to reposition myself as I inevitably get stiff, warm and uncomfortable.

*Sigh*, I hate this! And changing THIS - my daily routine - is my first step.

Well some parts of it are ok. I kind of love doing the same thing every morning. Really it is my evening that needs to change. Hence my next (and last post).

Random thoughts...

When I came back to the apartment Thursday night, I realized that maybe I don't WANT to go out. Sometimes when I'm sitting here, bored, I think "I wish I could go out!". However after seeing that scene, no thank you! I also got a little bit socially overwhelmed. I am used to my routine. I am used to seeing the same people of everyday. Meeting new people, going out, being social, etc- my little hermit self was confused! I'm not sure that is a good thing... It does make me think about my socialness - what do I truly want? What do I need? These are important questions as opposed to: What does my lack of socialness look like to others? How social should someone like me be?

That is probably my inner hermit speaking, trying to convince me that I want to be anti-social. Haha I don't even know anymore! I enjoy, but don't love, going out. I love, but don't enjoy, staying in. Something like that.

There is still no news on my job. I'm getting impatient.

This also means I still haven't signed a lease for an apartment. I'm getting nervous! I want to get all of that settled. Every day I change my mind about square footage, location, price, pet-friendliness, etc. Its making it hard for me to know EXACTLY what I want.

I want to meet people in this town and I want to volunteer. However I know that in 2 months, Anna will be coming to town and I will be out of town every weekend. I will be working 4 day weeks, meaning I will have no free time. I will not be able to go to church all summer. I won't have time to go out or hang out, nor will I really have people up here to hang out with or go out with. So, what is the point, right now? Why make friends right before I wouldn't have time for them? Especially since the odds of making friends are so low... so I'm thinking that I will instead work on cultivating the "me". Set goals for myself, make me the person that I want to be. Change my routine. Get all my apartment and job stuff sorted out. Then I will have an awesome summer where even though I work and sleep in B'ham, I will truly be living in Edmonds. Then, I will come back just in time to move into my new place, decorate, clean this old place, start to go to church again, make friends, volunteer, etc. Then my Bellingham life will TRULY begin. Right?

Since this post is getting sooo long, I am going to write separate posts. One about what my routine is like now, and one about goals I have for the month of May.

Easter Weekend

Last week, Rachel came to Bellingham all the way from Spain, so Laura decided to come by too. I got off work early on Thursday so I could be home when they got to town. We went out to dinner at Casa (YUM), where we ended up sitting and visiting with a random group of Rachel's friends for a few hours. Afterwards, we came home and prepared to go out. This part of the night actually was different than expected. We dressed in a varying degree of 80s attire, ready for a night at Rumors. Little did we know, Rumors has changed. No longer is it "80s Night" -- now it is "Throwback Thursday (80s and 90s music)". It may sound similar, but what we saw was not at ALL like 80s night should be. It was full of hipsters and bros, and there were multiple chicks hanging off of their men. Keep in mind this is Rumors - its supposed to be a GAY bar!

Without a doubt, we were disappointed. We did some googling (wherein we learned about the change in name) and found that 80s night had moved to a new bar. So, we decided to check that one out as well.

We were also disappointed. This place wasn't necessary full of bros and hipsters, so it may have been ok - but it was no 80s night for people dressed up. Especially since there wasn't even dancing! Crucial to the Thursday night experience.

Since we were nearby, we stopped by Rudy's and grabbed some pizza (YUM!). We discussed our options: run around town taking pictures in our costumes... have an awesome adventure somewhere... go home and hang out.

Problem with the last one is that Rachael had an exam early the next day, so we'd have to whisper at home. Problem with the first two: it was cold out!

We came home because we knew we would need to get either a camera, some coats or our night would be done (keep in mind it was only 10 or 11 pm by this point!). Once we got home, we were tired and ready to be cozy, so we opted to stay in. We changed into our PJs, got ready for bed, hopped beneath the covers and watched a movie. It was an excellent night!

I took Friday off of work so I could continue to visit with Laura and Rachel. After breakfast, we went to Lake Padden where we walked and talked. It was beautiful out, and just a little bit cold.

We headed down towards Edmonds in the afternoon. Rachel went down to Seattle and Laura and I had dinner with our folks. Around 9 or 10, we drove down to Seattle to join Rachel again for a live funk show. This time I wasn't disappointed by the nightlife, though I WAS tired. We danced for HOURS - energetic funky dance. It was great! Normally I'm the one who's disappointed when 2am comes around - but on this night I started fantasizing about sleep as early as 1am! Oy!

The rest of Easter weekend was for visiting with family. I didn't even see BBE! (Well, I did, but for like 5 minutes at most...). My family went for a walk along the beach on Saturday, and Brian and Britt where able to come over Sunday afternoon. In fact, I had to leave before they did!

Giving a Lindsay a ride home (which is always fun -- I love the company!) was a nice end to the weekend!

My Easter wasn't traditional by any means - if I was in Bellingham I probably would have gone to church, had candy, maybe even done some arts and crafts. Edmonds had the family aspect - and the big dinner, but none of the traditions! I liked it anyway though... :)

Square footage

I know in my last post I just said that there would be enough space in a future studio. However right now I am thinking about how I would actually arrange the room. I do need to get rid of belongings, I know that and that is good. However - the way that the apartment I saw was arranged was very tight in the "living room" part. It was more like a little dining area, and then a bedroom. I would barely be able to fit any couch arrangement in there, let alone the dining table I have. Does that mean that I should buy a new dining table? Or should I go for a larger sq ft studio? I still kind of think that my logic about one bed vs. studio applies - I'll spend my time in one or the other, so why have them separate. However if I can afford it, why not allow myself to get a slightly better square footage so that I can actually fit in a little couch and chair and TV. The place I was looking at had two size studios. 60 more square ft for 30 more dollars. Should I consider it? Should I continue my search elsewhere?

Arghblahblahalsdkjfal;ksdjf.

Open House

My worry of the week is still about where to live. I really just want to choose a place, so I don't have to think about it for another 5 months. Problem is, I can't sign a lease now just in case I don't get a job. On Thursday I got a call from the property management people asking if they could show my apartment today. That is not something I feel comfortable with. I don't like the idea of strangers in my place. Plus, my apartment is messy and I don't want to clean it all up!

So, I ignored their call. They need our permission, so ignoring them seemed like the easier way to say "No thank you".

Its too bad I'm a hypocrite. They're showing apartments in about 4 or 5 local buildings (that are really only part of three complexes). Some of the studios in those complexes are on my short list of places to live. I know the area, I like the quality of the buildings, they have laundry (a must for me), and they are in my price range. So - I went and looked at those apartments. No one could look at mine, but I could look at theirs. I'm such a bad person!

I have been trying to decide if a one bedroom or a studio is right for me. I want to save money, but truly both are in my price range and I'll be able to set money aside spending $565/mo or $625/mo - the cheapest rates for a studio and one bedroom. I have a lot of furniture - currently I have everything I need for a living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Which makes a one bedroom seem perfect! However I spend all my time in my room. I am almost never in the living room. The rare occasion is when I hang out with Rachael, but even then we normally hang out in the kitchen or right near it.

Why would I need a separate living room? Couldn't I just have one, bigger living space?

I only looked at studios today. Technically I could have looked at one bedrooms, but I had a one track mind when I started (one studio in particular) and that let me to look at a few more studios. I liked what I saw. The four studios I saw today ranged from $565 - $595.

Advantages of a studio: Will require me to weed through my belongings, which is healthy and fun. No space will go to waste - I am kind of a hermit and probably won't have more than one or two friends over at once. As for me - I can only be in one place at a time, why not have it be one place? Extra money to save up - I could stash away extra money for more trips, or I could buy extra fruits and veggies, or an extra pair of shoes. The price difference (~$60) would probably pay for electricity and internet each month.

Disadvantages of a studio: Less storage space, less room for couches and chairs (actually, I don't know where a full length couch would fit at all...), I would have to keep everything clean (no hiding away the mess).

So, what do you guys think? Is it lame to rent a place that has been my view for the last two years? Should I try something more adventurous, like living in downtown? This location is not good for going out at night. The prices are way better on this side of campus though, and Bellingham is small enough that with a car, no where in town is far away from anything.

I told myself that this weekend I would develop a no-doubt, fully-researched list of my top three apartments. That way, the instant I get the okay from my job, I could run and rent a place. I think that two of the places I looked at today are on that list. I just looked at the open house schedule again, and really - there are no other places to look at (for this property management company). The only other studios that will be shown are way more expensive than the competition (more expensive than 1 beds) or have no laundry in the apartment (a must!).

I guess the only real turmoil for me was being studio and one bedroom, and writing this post has helped me decide how I feel about that. Oy!

Its hard for me to process "Is this the best deal possible?" ................... How can I know?

I much prefer "Is this big enough? And is it cheap enough?". ................... Yes and yes!

A place to live...

Back when I first found out about the full time position, I began to research apartments for the fall. I wanted to get an idea about square footage, prices and what qualities I could expect in an apartment. I did not want to sign any leases without having the job be official, and I was browsing places before preleasing had even begun, so I decided to take a pause.

Suddenly it is actually time to find a place to live! I have had multiple students come in late/not come in at all because they are viewing places. This freaked me out, because I still haven't chosen a couple places, let alone arrange to go look at places or talk to the property management people!

My previous fear of signing a lease before the job being official still applies though! I know they have gone through the first step of screening applicants, but they still need to go through another round of cuts and have interviews. I may not be able to wait until I've signed papers for the job. On the 20th (in just 1 week!), preleasing switches from being a previous tenant right, to something that everyone can do. That means that the best apartments will be gone! Oy vey!

So, this weekend I am going to get things in motion for choosing a place. I hope I haven't waited too long! I better get this job....

15 Dollars

I went to Edmonds this weekend so I could dogsit for my folks while they went out of town. I wasn't looking forward to this trip because there were multiple things that I wanted to do in Bellingham this weekend, and nothing in particular calling me towards Edmonds.

Since I was in Edmonds, I decided to hang out with BBE per usual, because that at least would make it a fun weekend. Little did I know just how great this weekend would be, and how worth it it would be in the end.

As most of you know, I used to hate to shop. I hated spending money, trying on clothes, and having to look at a bunch of things that I knew I wouldn't get to own. Once I got a more legitimate job where I could choose to spend money on myself, and I developed a need to have a fancier wardrobe, things have changed. Unfortunately, I have surrounded myself by friends who don't shop with me. This used to be a good thing, but it has made the last few weeks frustrating as I want to go to Target or the mall or somewhere, and people don't want to go with me.

So, when I arrived at BBE's place Saturday morning and Brittney told me that there was an awesome garage sale going on with LOTS of clothes, I was actually really excited. I ended up spending 15 dollars on clothes that day - the most money I have ever spent at a garage sale (in fact, it is the first time I ever bought ANYTHING at a garage sale).

This is what 15 dollars got me yesterday:

-One pair of shoes
-Three dresses
-Two skirts
-Three sweaters
-Nine shirts of varying warmth/fanciness

Best part: they are all in good quality. This garage sale thing is somehow this woman's business. I'm not quite sure how, selling everything for 50 cents or 1 dollar, but she certainly had enough customers and clothes to get her a great deal of money. She must just steal everything... otherwise I don't see how her income could outweigh her expenses.

So now I am excited to have so many more clothes that I can wear to work! I still want to find some more shoes and slacks, and I'll always keep an eye out for dresses and skirts, but I definitely consider this to have been a successful weekend!! :)

A resume - from start to fi.....

7:30 pm.... (Monday)

Writing a resume isn't what I would call fun, and it reminds me a lot of HW.

It is hard to actually write it, instead of think about it and just stare at a blank page. Or ... you know ... write a blog post.

Ok, back to work. Wish me luck!

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11:00 pm... (Monday)

Ok, well I've done all the writing I can do tonight. I really want to finish it and submit it, because I feel bad not submitting my application right when it opened. I was not expecting the job to open so quickly! Especially not while I was out of town. Hopefully my boss doesn't judge me for needing a few days back in Bellingham to submit it. I plan on working on it for a few more hours tomorrow, and then editing and submitting it Wednesday. I have "finished" my resume (though it still needs a lot of work), and have a rough draft of my cover letter. This totally feels like school....

Anyway, I'm going to go shower now, then either go to bed or have a grapefruit and watch something on Hulu. I'll keep you posted on this resume deal, because its the most exciting thing going on right now... :P

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8:00pm, the next day... (Tuesday)

I am not writing. I know I should be. Clearly I am writing about it, and therefore thinking about it. I still have an overwhelming feeling, and the understanding that I wouldn't be able to finish it tonight, so what is the point?

I really don't want to apply last minute. I don't know if they can tell that, but I assume they can. Others may not think it matters, but it matters to me. I don't want to look lazy, or slow. Though now I'm just repeating myself.

Point is - I do NOT want to delay in submitting this application. But I DO want to delay in writing it. The result? A prolonged period of displeasure. Simple solution? Write it and get it over with. Second best? Stop worrying about it for now, and write it later. (Not a near second best by any means).

Unfortunately after I write this, I have to figure out how to write a letter of recommendation. When did everything turn so real? Can't I just be lazy and do nothing? Please?!

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7:30 pm a couple days later... (Thursday)

Is this process taking way longer than it should? I think so. Yesterday I was able to work on my cover letter for awhile. As it is now, the "content" is down, and I just have to make it sound good. I have 5 people lined up to edit for me. Haha when I want to do something social, I feel like there is no one to contact. When I need people to edit for me? Tons of options! I daresay that I have nerdy friends.

Anyway, I am going to work on editing, and get things sent out to various people soon. Hopefully I can get their feedback, and get this thing done tonight!

Also: as far as references go. I had hoped to do three close coworkers. Then I found out that they were the hiring committee, so I couldn't use them. I was down to no references. Then I found out it would be ok to use one, because she had a different role in the hiring process. Then I got the ok to use a student. I figured I could ask a professor. That required me to remember how to write well in French and randomly email someone... not something I wanted to do. Since then, two other coworkers (that I work less directly with) agreed to be references if I want. Now I have MORE people than I need. I much prefer this alternative. :)

Ok, well now I'm going to go edit edit and edit, and then send out this thing to just a few people. Lets get this thing done!!

Oh, and I had my boss write the letter of recommendation (hope that didn't make me look bad...), but that means I don't have to worry about that! :) Woot! (This is for an employee, not me).

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9:00 pm (Thursday)

Waiting... that is what I am doing right now. Rachael was awesome and came right in when I asked her to edit my stuff. I had planned to do a little editing first, but I'm glad I didn't. I'm sure I would have just stared at it and done nothing. Instead, she gave me specific suggestions and ideas, and I was able to make a lot of good changes. Then, I passed it on to everyone else. Currently my resume/cover letter is waiting in Laura, Karisa, Shelley and Anna's inboxes. Laura said she isn't sure she'll be able to get to it tonight, but will try (for a couple of minutes). Karisa is bbsitting, but will look at it later (she is the one who can give me CONTENT feedback, and that is what I really want right now!). Shelley is busy with her own school stuff, but will look over it tonight I think. Anna is teaching right now, but will look at it when she is out.

What does that mean? It means I have to WAIT! The problem with sending it out simultaneously instead of one after the other is that the edits won't grow on each other. Instead, I can look at each persons comments and try and meld them into one, awesome, document. (Or two). Hopefully I do that well. Maybe after it is all done, I will have to choose one last victim to make sure I didn't mumble jumble all of their advice... Darn... maybe I really should have done one after the other. Oops!

Anyway, I could work on the actual application... but I kind of feel like doing that at lunch tomorrow. I have worked more this week than I should, so I have to take an extra short day tomorrow. Maybe instead I'll take a long lunch and get it all in. That would be fun. :)

Ok, well I'm going to check my inbox. And maybe I will shower? Though I already did that today, so that seems like a waste... but it means I wouldn't have to shower in the morning! Hmm... I could clean? I do have to unload the dishes soon.

Only problem with that: I feel nauseous intermittently and I am SOOO hot right now, it isn't funny. This doesn't have to be due to sickness though: I ate WAY more than I should have for dinner (was just leisurely eating while watching TV, not thinking about it...), and my room is probably warm right now!

A shower would feel soooo good right now though. I nice, cold, shower! :)

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7:00 pm (Friday)

I'm glad that I didn't turn in my application already because today at work I was told that you can get eliminated by not listing all the required qualifications specifically. I was planning on just generalizing one part instead of going into the specifics - if I had done that, I may have been disqualified on a technicality! Now that I realize the importance of that section, I will be very specific, everywhere.

I am only writing in this post because it seems silly to not have the resolution of this whole resume thing within this post. I'm not working on it right now... I mean, its Friday after all!

Oh oops! Its now 8pm and I forgot I was writing this... Meheheh. Anyway, Linds is coming over tonight... tomorrow I'm going to Bhams Farmers Market (first day of the year!) and sunday is church..... so it should be a good weekend. BUUUT most important, tomorrow I am going to finally submit this darned thing!!!!

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10:30 pm (Saturday)

CRAP!

I didn't work on it at all today! I was busy until about 5 pm, at which point I came home and took a nap. Then, it was evening, and I wanted to lay in bed and read. Suddenly its nighttime! And all I've done is read! Which has been fun, but still!

CRAP!

I know I have enough time to work on this tomorrow. In fact, Lindsay and I have plans to meet and be studious. But you know what this means? It is due Monday and I am submitting it SUNDAY. SUNDAY.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am the worst procrastinator EVER! And that is NOT ok. I wonder if being out of school recently has made this worse? Like in school I trained myself to be better, and I've lost that or something?

The only reason I have an issue with this is because my coworkers can see when I submit it. I don't want them to see that I submitted it at some point in the afternoon on Sunday. Ugh. On Friday I thanked them for all their help and told them they would finally see my app, because it was due by the time I'd see them again! They laughed, said no rush, and said they were looking forward to it. I keep telling myself that this doesn't matter, because other wise I'll be fretting my way to Timbuktu! But probably this is why I haven't actually turned it in yet. Gahhhhh.

On a more positive note, I have had a good weekend so far.... But gahh why do I suck so much!? ERG.

I think I'm going to go work on it now. That way, I can submit it as soon after I get home from church as possible. alkjsdfieowcnafljsdl;fjkasdkl;fja.

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10:32 pm

Ok....lets be honest here.

1) I love my job.
2) I love my coworkers.
3) I am good at what I do.
4) I like being able to boast about my situation in life.
5) I like making money.

BUT

Part of me thinks the reason I am having trouble actually getting this out is....

1) Why I am so mature? (Doesn't sound like it as of late...) But when am I supposed to have my chance to party, get hungover, screw up and generally make a mess of my life?
2) I know this job gives me stress/anxiety, just because I crave perfection and lean towards anxiety anyways. I watched "Eat Pray Love" this weekend - a movie I was very critical of, but did have a few position reactions. One was to the idea that some people work so hard in the day, that they're too tired to do anything in the evenings. I can understand that worn out feeling, and I do believe it isn't helping me fully live...
3) I still kind of feel like I am in a social rut in B'ham. I still have hope for the future (you can't get the optimistic person out of me!), but it can be frustrating in the here and now.
4) I still know it would be nice to live with Laura.

I truly know that this is what I want to do. I don't actually have doubts. I have .... hurdles .... that make this decision harder, but that doesn't meant it isn't the right decision.

But I DO believe that submitting this application is very symbolic - I am choosing a path that will greatly affect my future. I think that makes it hard for me to actually focus on - I see only the big picture, and can't see the little picture. That in combination with my desire to seem perfect to my coworkers (and knowing I am no literary genius) makes any draft sub par.

Anyway, now that I have over-self-analyzed (one of the things I didn't like about Eat Pray Love), I should focus on the little stuff and just go EDIT IT! I mean, it is written afterall, it just needs to be fancied up in terms of all that good speaking-ness, and it needs a wee bit of expansion in some parts. This SHOULDN'T take that long.

Maybe this means I am losing my smarts and really need to vamp up the lifelong education stuff I've been thinking about.

Or not.

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4:00pm Sunday

I SUBMITTED IT!

I have been waiting to write those words all week long! I just had a few little edits to make sure things sounded good, a few rereads to make sure there were no spelling errors and more than just a little support from Lindsay to actually hit "submit".

I am still nervous that there is still some mistake that I didn't notice, or something that didn't quote come our right. Worst of all, I worry that mine isn't the best application received - I mean they have received over a hundred! I know that I have the experience necessary and that I presented that in my resume and application. But still... I'm no Shakespeare.

Anyway, I feel good! Still anxious, because now I have to wait and see how they react. But I know that I don't have to worry about it anymore, which is nice. I think that this is different from turning in a test or a paper, because I work with these people. I always feared what professors thought as they read these things - but it was never in front of me. And really, in the end it didn't matter. But here - I am trying to stay in this office for years - so it very much matters what I write.

But I guess that all is done and I really shouldn't worry about it. Now I have to worry about the interview! I wonder who will be there... I know three of the people at minimum, but I know there could be more... Apparently when the latest gal to join the office was hired, there was a whole slew of people in her interview. Even though I doubt there could be any strangers - I still don't want a whole audience, either. But that is for another post, because this post is way longer than it should be. Frankly, it is way longer than I imagined it would.... But I guess its me so maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, now I have to go and try and make up to Lindsay all of the "how does this sound?" and "are you suuuuure?"s that distrupted her own attempts to study.